I was sitting here at work, feeling sorry for myself, because things don't really feel like they're going anywhere.

I feel very much like a stagnant being, and I find myself unsatisfied and, ok, more than a little pathetic.

Here I am, in this summer where nothing will change.

Not that it won't be worth it:

I will be going to Italy and then coming home and starting esthetician school.

It will be a new part of my life!

I guess I am just impatient for it.

I think I've been counting on my trip to Italy to change me.

There are a lot of things I expected from it that I wouldn't put online.

I know, I know, I said I'd be honest!

But some things are too embarrassing for even me to admit.

I guess I thought I would be a different person: more adventurous, happier...

You get the gist.

I am starting to realize that nothing I do on the outside, like traveling, changing my hair color, getting new clothes, whatever, will make much of a difference.

I need to accept that Italy and all that this trip represents to me is just that:

A trip that I am lucky to go on.

I have to change myself from the inside to ever feel complete.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't go to God about this, but that's exactly who I need to turn to when I feel down and out.

On a much lighter note, I would like to list out why today is going to be an awesome day:

1. I have leftover pizza for lunch...which is pretty much my favorite type of pizza! haha

2. I have a photo shoot with BRC Photography. Benita, the owner/photographer is so wonderfully talented. I really enjoy working with her and seeing her vision come together.

3. I really like my hair today. Ok, that's super shallow haha, but I'm growing it out and I don't always like it!!

4. I am going to get through today, this work shift, the shoot, the drive home, and I'm going to go to bed and tomorrow will be a new day.

With all my love, Morgan

My Past Few Weeks in Review

I have had such a busy month of May!

Technically, I should be doing some work for my online 2-week interim course for First Aid

(Yes, I do indeed hate myself already for it! Haha.)

But see, I didn't think to order the book it needs!

I have placed my order however, and it'll be in tomorrow.

So I am going to play catch up haha.

So, as for the past few weeks:

I graduated from Rose State! Ignore my dumb looking hair...it was raining all that day and it was not cooperating at all!

I am technically a summer candidate, but I don't care! Haha

This is my "something new." I had never graduated from an institution of higher education.

Then...

My little sister graduated from high school!

Those are her two best friends, Tim and Dylan.

She was honored as a National Honor Society Member, National Forensic League (with, I believe, an honorary degree!!) and a frequent blood donor. She's the woman!! Haha

It's been a crazy few weeks gone by, and I'm glad it's coming to a close.

I feel worn out!! Haha.

Also, have you guys tried these??

I'm OBSESSED!!! I love them! Haha

And, alas, I am sad, for this is what I did to my phone just last night:

I popped the camera button right off!

I didn't even realize I did it until this morning!

SO MUCH SADNESS!

On a positive note, I did get a mani/pedi.

Well, not a real mani. I just had them shape up and paint my nails.

I hate to paint my own nails.

Also, I would like to announce that even though this has been probably the toughest semester of my college career, I made A's and B's.
I will take that! Hahaha.

Something I didn't want to do? I hung out with someone even though I really wanted to stay in my comfort zone and blow this person off.

Hoping to blog more now that it's summer,

with all my love, Morgan



What a Long Day!

And it's not over yet!

I am definitely ready to go home, eat some spaghetti and sleep.

Unfortunately, I will have to postpone the sleeping thing.

I need to clean my makeup brushes sooo bad.

I hate to do it, but they really need it! Haha

Plus, I have about another hour of work so I'm not going anywhere for a little while.

SInce I LOVE lists, here is my to-do list:

1. Clean makeup brushes...as stated earlier haha

2. Get makeup organized for the opening of MacBeth tomorrow night.

3. Laundry...Note to self: aren't you sick of wearing all the stuff from your sister's closet?! Wash yo clothes, fool!

4. Study -_-

5. Take some tests -_-

6. Figure out Life Plan

Ok, I'm just kidding on the last one! Haha. I wish I was kidding about all of that list though!!

You know, sometimes I look at my life and just think:

Ok, God, where are we going with this??

I see my friends being able to date and let people in their lives.

(Although, it would probably be easier for me to date if I was ever asked out by some medium other than a Facebook message...not that I'm not appreciative, just commenting!)

I have to wonder what makes things so easy for them, that they can meet people and it's like, Bam! Ok, we like each other now.

The only thing that makes me feel better about it is hoping it's not as easy as it appears.

I don't mean to sound pathetic, because I have to believe that there is someone for me that God has in mind and it's just not the right time for me to meet him, I'm more amazed at how easy it is for people to open up to others when it is so dang hard for me.

But heck, I'm also amazed that some people actually like  Math enough to major in it, so what do I know? Haha.

When I was growing up, my mom and sister didn't understand why it was so hard for me to make friends. Thank goodness my father and youngest sister have a shy streak too or I would've been a total outcast amongst my outgoing relatives haha.

I'd just always think people didn't want me around so I won't bother them.

Even today, I give myself pep talks to make myself seem more outgoing and friendly.

People who drive by me when I'm going to a social event probably think I'm totally nuts!

This post has totally taken a way more serious tone than I originally intended haha.

I am just very tired and a little down today.

It's hard to fake being chipper when all I wanna do is be down for a little while, ya know?

I was at Life Church this past weekend and it was like the pastor, Craig, had read this blog and said:

Hey! I know what you have! It's called a heaviness of the soul!

And I was literally tearing up in the middle of this sermon because it's so true.

He literally said something along the lines of:

Everything is fine, but something is just not right.

And I knew exactly what he was saying.

You should check it out, yo!

Click here to watch the sermon online!!

 

 

I feel like this was a very long and sad post lol.

I'm sorry for my ramblings!!

And I promise for a more upbeat post soon.

with all my love, Morgan

As My Mama Would Say...

I am just full of piss and vinegar today!

I don't know where she gets her little sayings.

She'll do something kinda crafty or impressive and us kids will say:

"Where'd you learn that, Mama?"

And she'll reply, "Oh, I learned it in 'Nam."

My mother was not fighting in "'Nam."

Haha she was barely born!

I don't even think HER dad was stationed in Vietnam!

Or we'll walk outside on a windy day and say:

"Well, it's windier than a sack full of buttholes out here!"

You are so right, Mom, that's exactly what I was thinking hahahaha.

Well, my point is, I am all fired up today!

That is what piss and vinegar means I guess ha ha.

I am very annoyed with school.

People were making fun of me because I got upset when my Hitler and Nazi Germany Professor (Yes, that is the class' actual name haha) asked if we had to choose between certain members of our family, who would we let die? (She was asking this because we were talking about the Jewish ghetto in Krakow and sending people to the camps)

And I said I wouldn't know and it made me really upset to even think about it!

THEN, my supposed "best friend" is terrible about keeping in contact with me.

I swear, I have acquaintances who are better about calling me or messaging me back.

So now, I am just ticked! Lol.

I just want people to let me feel upset about choosing my hypothetical children over my hypothetical mother in the hypotherical Jewish ghetto! It's a very upsetting thing to think about, gosh darn it!

And I just want my best friend to act like he wants to talk to me!

THESE ARE NOT BIG WISHES!!

They are average ones!!!!

GOSH!!!

Ok, I'm done now haha.

I do have a quick beauty tip for you all though.

I just started using Jergens Self Tanning Lotion for body and their stuff for your face.

Well, let me tell you, I really like it!

I was a big fan of the mousse type stuff from Urban Decay but I don't think they make it anymore.

My tip would be to really exfoliate well. It doesn't look dark when you put it on, but I didn't exfoliate well the first night and I had some streaks on my chest the next day.

I can't wait to try out St. Tropez's...My hero, Kandee Johnson, always uses it and gives it rave reviews...only problem is it's pricey!

I got my Jergens Tanner at CVS, but I imagine you can buy it at any drug store or Wally-World or Tarjay!

Hope you are all having a wonderful day!

With all my love, Morgan